When You Get Reactive

March 26, 2017

We all have our triggers, that thing that challenges us and sends us spinning. 


For me, it's my pride. Being a teacher. Pride in my trainings. 


So when a training doesn't go well, challenges my teaching or we just don't get along well... it sends me in to orbit. 


I'm very, Very rarely reactive TO a customer openly. 

the beauty of Mute buttons


But once it's over and I'm just seething... unable to breathe


And that's the point... 


The point that you've gone over the edge, when you've lost a grip on reality, and are lost in your moment of fear or anxiety or even anger... 


What do you to gain control? 


How do you get your breath back again? 




A little quick back-story on me... 


My kiddo had some special needs. He's almost 8yrs old now and those special needs aren't so "special" any more, but in the early years when we didn't know... well, suffice it to say, there were worries. And tests. And MRIs. And more tests. And so many more worries. 


I've never been a big worrier myself, but being a first time parent, I became the definition of Insane Momma Bear. 


It took me Years, mean it, Years to DECIDE to live in what I deemed... 

The House of No Panic




Just that....it wasn't worth it any more. The constant worrying and panic and getting reactive over every meeting. 


It wasn't necessarily Zen, no I'm not there yet, but it was a start. 


Back to now... 


I've been living this way, House of No Panic, for 3yrs now.


I also don't yell at my kiddo (another huge struggle.. and eventually a break for me). All going back to trying to find a peaceful way to live life... Life just isn't worth being all agitated about. 


I'm still working on it


Because when someone challenges me on a training... I lose it. 


I mean, I don't Lose it, Lose it. I don't yell or really lose my mind. 


But I stop breathing. 


I stop thinking rationally 


Sometimes I vent to a co-worker. 


Sometimes I vent to a co-worker before I've appropriately calmed down, so it's somewhat inappropriate venting that I always feel like I need to apologize for later. 


Sometimes I can gain control in a few minutes, sometimes I rail for an hour or so... sometimes it makes me reconsider my whole world of education and support before I finally return to reality.... no, Jo, it was One bad training, not everyone is happy all the time, Calm yourself... 


Here are some things that I've learned in my times of struggle.. 


1 - Find your own House of No Panic, for whatever it means to you. 


This is just a happy-place of living, not necessarily a fixer for those unexpected challenges that take your breath away, but if you already start from a place of No Panic, you'll be less inclined to be Reactive to others' words and actions. 


2 - Breathe


Just keep breathing. 


Research breathing activities. 


Counting backwards from 20 with deep breaths is a good start. If you don't want to do anything else, just that... just that minute of taking 20 deep breaths and counting backwards will definitely help you calm down. 


3 - Step Away


Back off what caused you the challenge, go for a walk, -- try not to talk to anyone until you're ready, sit on a bench, take your shoes off, drink a big glass of water and find a peaceful place to be for a minute. 


4 - Meditate


There are all types of kindness you can give to yourself. I'm a fan of acupuncture and reflexology to keep your body more centered. Yoga and practiced meditation as often as you can. 


Life gets in the way of most of that though. Here's a great 5-minute option for when you're needing a little meditation -- find somewhere peaceful with no distractions, turn this video on and listen to the bells for 5 minutes. Deep breathing. Count if you need something to do, to stop the brain from ruminating. 



Life has it's moments and we all have them. As much as I try to live in a peaceful place and not yell at my kiddo and not be worried about monies and struggles... yeah right, come on... we all have our moments. 


What do you do keep breathing through your challenges? 


Cheers to you (all of us) in life. 



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